Doesn’t Dr. Seuss Say Something about Waiting?

I’ve been putting off blogging with the hope that I would finally be able to share some good news about our housing search… but we’re still waiting and it’s been almost a month since my last real blog post. The guilt is getting to me… and I’m starting to feel like I might have some things to say so after a long absence, here is what is happening in the life of me…

We looked at a house the end of April that we really liked. At that time it was for sale until mid-May. We have been waiting fairly patiently all month for it to come available. It’s a five bedroom with a great location and an awesome porch. We found out on Tuesday that the owner is currently in negotiations with a potential buyer but things aren’t looking good for a sale. So, we’re still waiting but hopefully by this time next week we’ll have some good news… and hopefully we can still move June 1^st.

Meanwhile, the boys have settled into their new house and we’ve been spending a lot of time there. The way our ‘community’ works is that there are three houses of people who want to share their lives together and commit to a shared set of values. We’re also interested in putting down roots in our neighbourhoods, working for their good and loving our neighbours… all in the context of an inner-city neighbourhood where there is much to love if you look closely enough. So, one of the houses of boys has been established since September, while the other one is just beginning. They have a great location, right by the park, and a living room window that faces an alley where I frequently see children that I know. It’s a good thing I don’t live there or I would likely stand forever in front of that window and watch children creepily as they pass by (sometimes I forget that I am, in fact, not invisible).

I spent some of the long weekend in Sarnia, visiting my parents. We went to the gigantic yard sale at the camp that I used to work at. I met the new director and bought a few books. My mom and I went to check out the picture of the new play equipment that is coming in memory of my grandpa and it looks pretty cool. It was supposed to arrive later this week so I’m looking forward to checking it out for real the next time I’m there. I didn’t spend too much time at home but it was nice to see my parents and look through some of the stuff I had at their house that I want to move to Hamilton.

So, life is good. There is an overarching theme of joy and peace… but there is also a strange sense of feeling like I am waiting for things that I’m not sure how to hold up against the joy and peace. We’re waiting for a house, waiting to move, waiting for summer programs to start, waiting for September when I start working part-time… just a whole lot of waiting. I think I expect my life to get ridiculously less complicated in the near future… There is a part of me that wants to hang everything on the hook of moving and/or starting to work part-time and simply ignore it until those things happen… hoping that those things alone will address the busyness and complicatedness of my life. I’m not sure where we got this idea that life is supposed to be uncomplicated anyway. I do expect that priorities will have to shift once the move happens and as I work towards cutting down my hours to part-time so I can pursue some other interests in the fall… and maybe that’s why it feels like a waiting game. It’s hard to know what things will look like once this long list of things start falling into place so it’s hard to make plans very far in advance right now. Holding that all up in front of me though, I still feel that peace and joy. I’m excited to move and to see what life brings along the way. For now, however, I should likely attend to the growing pile of things I need to do today before someone comes to visit me and throws off my groove.

Mid-Life Crisis Anyone?

This is the most amazing news of my year. Seriously, check it out! Do you think they were just sitting around thinking, ‘Life’s been kind of slow lately… why don’t we exploit the fact that we were popular 15 years ago?” Whatever it is, I kinda want to go.

The Week Thus Far

It’s been a fairly quiet and uneventful week around here. I’m beginning to adjust to the new sleeping arrangements and loving the ‘full house’ feeling of having seven people in our house. We’re checking out another house this evening, even though we’re committed to waiting until mid-May to see if this other house comes available. I am looking forward to moving but am much less frantic than I was three weeks ago. I’m still not sure what shifted but I think I realized that I had been hinging a lot of things on our move (as in, ‘oh I’ll start doing that when we move’ or ‘that will get better once we move’). I’ve been trying hard not to do that and although it’s still hard at times I think I’m doing a better job at it.

In the meantime, I’ve been thinking a lot. We’ve been having some great conversations at Bible study over the last two weeks about what it really means to follow Jesus. Last night, someone made the comment about repentance being about more than just feeling sorry. The word ‘repent’ involves a turning from something to something else… in this case, a turning from sin to God. In many cultures, and even some situations within our culture, it’s easy to see what people need to turn away from when they turn toward God, but our North American, middle class culture can make things fuzzy. I feel like, as a ‘Christian country’, or perhaps a patriotic church, we have knit these ideas about Christianity into our culture so finely for so long that it’s now almost impossible for me to see what is gospel and what is culture. It’s like I need fresh eyes to see – both in my culture and in scripture. I am not content with the status-quo Christianity that is being offered and yet I am not completely sure of an alternative way to live. Sometimes I just get completely overwhelmed by it all. Overwhelmed by the call to care for people on the margins, to act justly, love mercy, walk humbly. I think it all boils down to love… and what it means to really love people… but that’s a skill I’m still trying to figure out. I’m still trying to figure out what it means to be a person of love.