My Shocking Shopping Experience

I went grocery shopping yesterday. It’s never a good idea to grocery shop on Saturdays… I know that but the rest of my week doesn’t really allow grocery shopping at this current moment. The grocery store was packed… I think I waited in line for almost 20 minutes. As I waited I had plenty of time to look around. Now, on sale this week is toilet paper and Hot Stuffs (these sandwich type things that you can defrost and eat). As I watched people shop I was shocked at the amount of people who were merely buying toilet paper (limit 3 per household, I think) and mass amounts of Hot Stuffs (like we’re talking boxes and boxes and boxes). I bought neither of these things.

Today was the crazy birthday party for two kids at the church. We went to Niagara Falls to The Great Canadian Midway. We ate a lot of pizza and ice cream and played lots of ridiculous games. I spent most of the afternoon hanging out with one of the younger girls from church. She’s pretty awesome and we had a lot of fun. They have these rides there that I’d never been on before (in fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever even noticed them). We went on both. One was a roller coaster simulator which was interesting since I’ve never been on a roller coaster. The whole time the images on the screen were making me SO dizzy but I just couldn’t bring myself to close my eyes. It was cool.

Tonight is the ordination service of our pastor at church. I am reading scripture and must be on my best behaviour in general. In preparation, I am currently listening to a sermon and trying to solve the world’s problems… but I think I’d kind of like a nap.

Back from the Bahamas

Well maybe I didn’t spend the week in the Bahamas but I did have a great week or rest and relaxation in Brantford. I needed to get away and one of my friends offered her family home for a bit of a break. I spent the week sleeping, reading, knitting and getting to know her family. I went to see Juno, went out for dinner, ate Chinese food and had a pedicure (that’s right, I have really cute feet right now). It was a really good week. It started Sunday night with a great Church in the Box. Monday I left for Brantford for some time to reflect on things and relationships. I missed people, the kids, the city, the church… I think that’s good. I remembered that I really like my life… and the people in it!

Some of you know that lately I’ve been trying to figure out why I constantly work out of a place of “I don’t know”. I have a fairly constant sense that I am falling apart. I realized this week that that is simply not true. I was able to see myself as gifted and called and remembered that I must have confidence in the Spirit that lives within me. It was a good moment. I’ve been letting people treat me like I don’t know what I’m talking about, like I’m an emotional mess who is constantly falling apart… but that’s not who I am… and now I need to not let people treat me in that way.

It’s good to be back. Tomorrow I’m heading to St. Catharines to celebrate Good Friday. Saturday I’m doing some last minute planning for easter. Sunday I will celebrate the resurrection of Christ with good friends and food. I am going to attempt to make a ham… it’s already cooked so I figure I can’t kill anyone. Also on the menu are scalloped potatoes and broccoli salad. It has the potential to be a very interesting culinary experience.

What is Love?

I hope you all have the cheesy theme song from Night at the Roxbury currently running through your head. It’s what aways comes to my mind when I hear that question… even though I’ve never seen the movie.Again, I haven’t posted in a while. I’m exhausted and just trying to make it until next week when I get to escape for some needed R&R. I’ve been thinking lately, however, about my own definition of love. As I continue on this journey of trying to live in community with people I realize that all over the New Testament people are telling us we should love one another. That’s scary because I don’t know what that looks like. Danielle, one of my new roommates, and I have been talking lately about what it means to approach people ‘in love’ or to communicate ‘in love’. Sometimes I think we use it as a guise for telling people things we don’t like about them… kind of like a ‘for your own good’ thing. I don’t think this was what it was intended to be.

I’ve also been learning lately that love is perceived differently by different people. I’ve learned this the hard way by realizing that things I have always done to communicate love and affection for people I care about aren’t necessarily making people feel cared for or appreciated. But, maybe that’s not the point. It’s a real struggle for me to come to a definition of love that is separate from affection and general ‘warm and fuzziness’. Yet I see that type of love as incomplete and unsatisfying.

Anyway, as I was reflecting on this yesterday I started thinking about the passage in 1 Corinthians that you always hear at weddings… you know, the one in chapter 13 where Paul talks about love. I figured this would be as good a place as any to start a study on what love might mean. Here’s what I’ve found so far…

1. Paul uses many more ‘love is not’ phrases than ‘love is’ phrases
2. I don’t know what it means to dishonour someone (or not dishonour them in this case)
3. Love chooses for the other person

I find it interesting that Paul chooses to define love by telling us what it isn’t. I can only wonder if that is because our world is SO bad at demonstrating it that we wouldn’t even be able to wrap our minds around a positive definition. I wonder if even when Paul was writing, people in the world were doing such a bad job of loving one another that it was easier for Paul to simply point out to them things they were doing that were not loving. Perhaps this is just me wanting to find comfort in the shortcomings of my Christian ancestors so that I don’t feel like a complete and total failure.

Since I started working in the inner-city I have had many conversations with our pastor about honour. He spent most of his adult life in Pakistan, an honour culture, and draws many interesting comparisons between Pakistan and our neighbourhood. I wish I understood more about honour but I really don’t. Part of it is that I grew up in an individualistic society that encouraged me to look out for number one and I think honour is more of a community value. I am convinced, however, that there is something important about love that is wrapped up in this idea of honour.

It’s interesting to me that we attempt to sell love in our culture as this feel-good, emotion based high. It’s marketed as a drug through chick flicks and soap operas. I don’t know if I’m off base but when I watch these things or read magazines or listen to stories from young girls, I end up thinking a lot more about what I get out of love. I focus a lot more on the feelings of euphoria, or whatever, that I should be experiencing in this cultural idea of love. Yet this doesn’t stand up to scripture at all. In fact, a close comparison can only lead me to the conclusion that our culture is sadly disillusioned about what love is.

So, what’s a girl to do? I said at the beginning of this year that it will be one of learning to love and be loved. I am convinced that those two things are central to figuring out not only what it means to live in community but what it means to live as a Christian in this world. It is annoyingly frustrating, but thankfully I have a really good teacher and some pretty great fellow students. It’s exciting to be in a community that is asking these questions. I think back to eight months ago when I knew two people in this entire city and am so grateful that God is knitting me into a family again… a broken, kind of messed-up family… but a family who is deeply trying to figure out what it looks like to follow Jesus and to live authentically in that.