This is a ‘vision’ that I had this morning while I was trying to sort out my life… I have been plagued lately by a feeling that I am not okay. In trying to reflect on this I got this series of pictures in my head.
I’m walking through a desert. I am fairly confident that when I started out on this journey I was following Jesus. I don’t think I would’ve ventured into this territory without Him. He was close enough that I could cling to His cloak or at least keep Him in view. Somewhere along the way, however, He got farther and farther away, until now He is nowhere to be found. At first I wasn’t too concerned for I still had His footsteps to follow in. Then the wind began. Slowly but surely the desert winds blew the sand over His steps. Now I am alone and lost in a desert, attempting to follow a path I can’t even see. I think I’m going the right way but it’s difficult to know for everything looks the same when it is covered in sand.
Every so often a mirage appears to my left or my right, tempting me off of what I believe to be the right path. Each time I must make the choice as to whether I should step off of my course and explore this mirage. Interestingly enough, sometimes when I depart from my course I become just as convinced that I am now following the right path. Once I’ve stepped off the path, regardless of how I feel, there is no way for me to find my way back to the original one, so I am forced to just keep walking.
Finally I stop for a second and take a look around. I have no idea where I am. I wonder what I should do. Part of me is eager to keep going, believing that this path is the right one and that Jesus is just ahead, out of view. The other part of me simply wants to give up. To sit down where I am and let the desert heat suffocate me while I try and pretend that none of this is real. Where is Jesus in this?
All of a sudden, a waterfall appears in the distance. Another mirage, no doubt, and nowhere even close to where this current path is taking me. Yet my soul feels drawn to that waterfall. My heart wants to run towards it with complete abandonment and stand under its tidal wave of refreshing water, splashing in the pools gathered at its base. I want to swim in that water, to immerse myself in its coolness, to drink it in until I feel strong again. I have a decision to make. Do I continue to follow this path away from the oasis? Do I simply give up, sitting down in the sand to watch the water from afar? Or do I risk it all, using the last bit of strength I have to run toward the waterfall? Is it possible that Jesus is waiting for me there? Is it possible that He’s been there all the time?
