So, it’s been a while

I realized it’s been almost two full weeks since my last post! I feel like so much has happened in that time (which is possibly why I haven’t posted… life has been CRAZY).

Shortly after my last post I decided to take a day off and go to camp. I needed to be surrounded by things that were familiar and known… things that I knew how to do. It was a good time. I got to see a couple kids that I really like and have known for a long time (including my cousin who was at camp). I also got to have some good chats with the staff and my director and his wife. Oh, and I led a song at campfire and had kids actually wondering if I was marrying the Weinie Man.

The day that I got back to work was stressful again. For awhile it was like the church building actually had a negative effect on my ability to think and speak coherently… that’s when you know you’re stressed. I had a great talk with Robin on Friday and shared some of the things I was struggling to figure out. He didn’t really have a lot of answers but he shared in my questions which is at least comforting.

This week we ran day camp at the church. We had about 18 kids, probably 12 of which were under seven. They were fun and adorable. I really enjoyed my week. It’s been a lot of long days and some pretty stressful moments (I had an infantile fit of rage on Wednesday morning that terrified everyone in a 10 metre radius) but it was worth it to see how much the kids enjoyed everything.

The busy-ness doesn’t let up. I have a long list of things to do before I leave town on Sunday for a week of camp. I’m going on a 4 day hiking trip with the camp. There are 14 of us going… 11 of whom are children between 10 and 14. We are hiking parts of the Bruce Trail around Milton. I am really looking forward to it… just getting away and enjoying the physical activity. It will be great to spend some time with Kosmo again and even just connect with some new kids. (Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and will miss them all while I’m gone… I wanted to take some with me but I decided that wasn’t a precedent I wanted to start).

Alright, I should go get started on my list but I wanted to share a quick thought about the Kingdom of God. I’ve been reading Matthew (and it talks a lot about the Kingdom of God or the Kingdom of Heaven) and pondering some of the things he says. This week I was thinking… if the Kingdom of Heaven is a place where the first are last, a place where we must change to become like little children, a place that is difficult for the rich to enter… what can I actually claim to know about or bring of the Kingdom? We talk a lot about building the Kingdom of God in our neighbourhood or community but I’m not sure I can actually do that. What does the verse mean that says “blessed are the poor, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Luke, not Matthew)… Is it possible that the people I work with actually know FAR more about God’s Kingdom than I do? If that’s true… what is my role in all of this? Just some random thoughts of late. I will post again after my trip.

How I’m Feeling

I’ve been feeling fake lately. I realized yesterday that the most common phrase I have been using in my prayers is “I don’t know how to do that” usually followed by a well-meaning ‘but’. I’ve been seeing a lot of brokenness and bad stuff in our neighbourhood lately. It’s a lot easier for me to see evil right now then it is to see good… and that bothers me. I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be salt and light. There is a women in our congregation who has had a lot of bad things happen to her recently. God worked it out so that I could end up on her front porch one afternoon this week just as she had discovered another thing had gone wrong. I sat with her while she cried but it was awkward and I knew there wasn’t anything I could actually DO to fix anything so after about 20 minutes I went back to the church. I felt guilty about that all evening. The next day I called her to see how she was and something else had gone wrong. So last night I was reflecting on where God was in all of this… and the answer I came to was not very comforting. You see God is in me… I am supposed to be the presence of Christ in this woman’s life… “but I don’t know how to do that” I told God.

I have an obsession with doing something. I am not good at just being. It’s awkward and I feel like people expect me to do something in order to help them. Lately, however, I’m wondering if that’s really all that effective. I recognize that God calls us to ACT on His behalf but the key to that is that it’s on HIS behalf. We cannot act so that people become dependent on or attached to us. We need to act as arrows pointing people towards Christ. The trouble is… I don’t know how to do that in this situation. How do I help this woman (or anyone I work with) recognize Jesus through what I do?

And to add to the frustration whenever I pray about it I keep hearing God say ‘community’ (or at least I think it’s God). The thing is that one person doesn’t make a very good community. I cannot do this alone… but where does one find a community that is interested in caring for people outside of their own busy lives. Man, this world needs to change… that’s all I have for right now.

My Thoughts on Living in a War Zone

I’ve been pretty busy this week due to leadership camp so I have much to post about but the most pressing issue is the fact that my house is currently being flown over by some sort of large jumbo jet. It is apparently the first home game for the Hamilton Tiger Cats which involves some sort of air show. It’s quite annoying… but just as I was starting to get really annoyed I realized that people all over the world live with this everyday. I cannot imagine growing up in a village where you are constantly threatened by not only the noise of these planes but what they mean. For me it’s a simple inconvenience or annoyance but for so many of them it’s a daily reminder of the fear they must live with… always wondering when the next attack may come and what it may mean for them. One of the Karen refugee children was sharing part of his story with some of our neighbourhood kids this week. It was really eye-opening for these kids to hear about the horrible things this child has faced in his home country and then in refugee camps.

All of that aside, this has been a great week. There have been many ridiculously stressful moments but God has been doing some pretty cool things. Many of our kids took gigantic leaps towards Jesus… they learned again that they are precious in His sight and they started responding to that message. Tomorrow we are doing the church service. A couple of the kids are sharing about the week while others are helping with the children’s story or with worship. Most of the kids are singing the offertory song (God of Wonders) and they are really excited about that.

Tomorrow afternoon I am taking one of the boys from our neighbourhood to camp. It makes me miss my camp… they had training this week and I saw some pics on facebook and there are TONS of them. It’s like an army!

I am still trying to recover from the week. I am definitely taking Monday off… maybe even Tuesday! For now I am going to spend the evening ignoring the loud speaker from the football game and trying to prepare for tomorrow… then I’m going to read more of Phantom of the Opera. Sometimes I wish there were spaces that were open at all hours of the night and day for me to go to… okay, so they exist but they all serve alcohol and generally service a somewhat sketchy crowd… I want a 24 hr Chapters of something like that.

Happy Canada Day

Today is Canada’s birthday and I’m going to St. Catharines to celebrate with Annie. It’s been a busy and hectic week but Friday and Saturday were good so I feel somewhat rested and ready for leadership camp this week. I don’t have a lot to say but I wanted to let people know that I’m still alive. Let’s see if I can give some sort of recap of my week…

Friday night there were fireworks in our neighbourhood so I went over to check them out. Some of the kids had invited me. They were cool and it was a neat way to start my long weekend (which is not actually a long weekend for me by the way). Saturday I played this ridiculous computer game for hours before making a lasagna and sharing it with Sanda. Then Sanda and I went to Bayfront to walk and eat ice cream… Hutch’s has HUGE scoops of ice cream… I felt SO sick after eating it.

Today, as already mentioned, I am traveling to St. Catharines. I’m hoping to hit up fireworks somewhere. It’s strange for me because I’ve definitely been at camp for the last like 7 Canada Days and always gone into Forest to see the fireworks (which are actually fairly decent for the size of the town). We might even go to Niagara Falls but if we do that it’s probably going to be crazy busy so we’ll see.

This week is leadership camp at the church. I’m really excited to plant some more seeds about Jesus! The kids have been responding really well to messages about God lately so it’s a pretty awesome place to be right now. Lots of things are happening at the church which has been keeping us on our toes. Most of it is really good and exciting though so I’m just trying to enjoy it. Anyway, I need to go to church now and get ready for my children’s story… no KidzChurch today because of Canada Day… and that’s exciting!