LOST

Some really good conversations at work today led me to question how society has gotten so lost… it seems like we are SO far off of what God’s intention is for His Kingdom to look like (even within the church we miss the mark more frequently than we’d like to admit). We were talking about community and how society seems to have adopted this idea that everyone should function independently, that we have a right to a ‘private life’ that no one else knows about and that the autonomy of the family is to be held in highest protection. I think I even believed in those things too… until I moved into our neighbourhood and saw how those societal values are actually destroying people. They destory families, who break apart because of the stress of trying to do things on their own. They cause single moms to question their value and worth because they are struggling to keep their heads above water. They leave people feeling alone and in want.

There is one woman in particular that I think of… she’s a single mom with four kids. She hasn’t lived an easy life and is relatively isolated from social supports (although that is starting to change). She’s trying her best to raise her kids but it’s tough. Everyday she has to face a system that tells her that she’s not a good parent. Whether someone uses the words or not, she interacts daily with a system that tells her she is a failure. She has told me before that she feels like a failure because she ‘cannot do it on her own’. When did we get this idea that we were even supposed to do things on our own. God must look upon us with great sadness sometimes for how we have missed out on His great gift of community.

I must admit, many of these ideas are new for me and I’m just starting to really think them through. Our conversation went on to discuss how certain things just make sense to me. I used the example of a family who doesn’t have any food. To me, it just makes sense that if I have food and my neighbour doesn’t that I should share my food with him/her. Tonight as I was reflecting, however, I realized that even that mindframe needs to be challenged. See, it’s not that I have and I will share but that because I have, we both have. None of us own any of the things we have. God has entrusted us with them to care for His earth and for each other. I believe 100% that there is enough for everyone… and I need to stop looking at things in terms of ownership.

Great Lakes Expo

Today we decided we would take a couple of the neighbourhood kids to the Great Lakes Expo at Bayfront Park. The main attraction for us was the midway of games and rides. Our original three kids ended up being five but I think the day went pretty well. It was fun to watch the kids play together and enjoy the rides. I even got to go on the bumper cars because the kids were too young to drive. The little boy I rode with kept trying to steal the wheel and at one point even tried to put his foot over mine onto the pedal (I told him he was worse than my driver’s ed instructor in high school). I gotta say though, I am completely exhausted now. I don’t know how parents do it… they can’t drop the kids off and go home. One of the families from our neighbourhood met us at the carnival and it was amazing to watch the mom be a great parent. I don’t know how she handles the stress of all these kids tugging on her and being in her face all the time… she’s a pretty special woman and I wish she could see how good of a mom she is.

So, as I said, it was a good day… BUT I couldn’t help thinking about this as I came home. By taking the kids away from their families for the day and taking them to something that costs money are we reinforcing some messages that we don’t really want to reinforce. I mean, it’s really fun to hang out with the kids and sometimes it’s great to give the parents a break but ultimately I want families to function as families so that I don’t have to pseudo-mother an entire neighbourhood. I’m also not sure about the idea of spending money on the kids… I mean most families in our neighbourhood could probably technically afford the carnival but it probably would mean going without something else this week. There is just some wondering going on in my mind over this… I’d love to hear what people think.

An Interesting Conversation

Again, I feel like I may have blogged about this before…

Today during our Bible study we had a really great conversation about wealth and luxury. We were reading Revelation 17 and 18 which is all about the great prostitute. Chapter 18 is fascinating because there are so many market images… the keep talking about all the things that people sell (ending up with human lives as slaves). We started talking about what this means for us as Christians. Should we be avoiding luxury by actively pursuing another option by committing to a simple lifestyle? This led into a discussion about our society’s obsession with the economy and how we’re taught to buy, buy, buy (even if we can’t afford things).

For me, the conversation was interesting because it was one I had been having with myself for a couple of weeks now (actually, it was probably much longer than that but I’d say it’s been one the top 3 list of things I think about for the last couple of weeks). While I was reading through Irresistible Revolution I kept being struck by the idea that choices I make actually oppress people. It’s easy to get passionate about ending oppression but it’s a lot more difficult when the face of the oppressor actually becomes your own. It’s complicated even more for me by simply not knowing how to make educated choices so that I don’t oppress people (especially in terms of consumerism). So, I recognize that the clothes or objects I buy may have been made my children in horrible conditions for less than 10 cents a day but how do I know where to buy clothes or objects that were made in better conditions. I want to support the local economy but recognize that it’s a lot cheaper to buy something at Dollarama and just not think about how it got there. It’s like this HUGE box that I know I need to open but I’m a little nervous about actually discovering what’s inside. It’s good to know other people are struggling through similar issues… that, my friends, is why we all need community!
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Random thought that has nothing to do with the above post: There was a show on when I was a kid that had an opening with a little cartoon that always said ‘Stop me if you’ve heard this one before” or something like that. I don’t remember anything else about the show… man, tv was SO good when I was a young one.

Suffering for the Gospel

So, I think I may have actually posted something very similar awhile ago but I’m too lazy to go back and check. First off I should say that I’ve had a pretty lousy day. Weekends are generally long enough (thank you very much) and one extra day on my own (with nothing to do) drove me over the edge. Actually I had set today aside to spend some extended time with God and pray about some things that are needing decisions. I woke up, however, from a dream that I know was significant but I cannot remember a single detail. All I know is that I woke up knowing my decision had been made… and it wasn’t the answer I wanted to come to. I yelled at God for a couple of minutes (like 15-20), tried to figure out ways I could have it my way while also taking His way into account. I even wondered if this was really God at all. Then I started reading part of 1 Peter which is what I’ve been reading through lately. Now 1 Peter has a lot of stuff about suffering… I think it uses the word like 15x or something. Anyway, I got to thinking again about what suffering looks like. It occurs to me that I don’t really feel like I suffer all that much… but then I remembered how I had just spent the last 20+ minutes wrestling with God because He wanted me to give up something that I wanted… is that suffering? I am aware that I have given stuff up in order to follow Jesus but I feel like none of it really mattered. I wonder though if suffering always feels like suffering to the people experiencing it. For me, the alternatives I get when I give up stuff (like a fancy teaching job with health benefits and a nice salary) far outweigh what I’ve giving up… but other people definitely look upon it as suffering.

I spent the rest of the day continually coming back to my ‘decision’. I am definitely at a point where it’s really hard to choose in to following Jesus. I feel like the people in the gospel whom Jesus told to sell all their possessions or let the dead bury their own dead. It’s hard to follow Jesus today… but there is also an underlying sense that I can do nothing else. I know that He is good and that He is faithful… I must now trust in that as I let Him lead me forward. I am praying that He will meet some of the needs I have that are currently not being addressed but I also wonder if He is trying to teach me something in this season. It has been a lonely day… a discouraging day… one that has reminded me of the importance of community… because it’s stinking difficult to follow Jesus alone (especially when it means choosing out of other stuff).

Kids will be Kids

Yesterday I was invited to visit the park with a family of Karen refugees that have recently come to Canada. We visited Pier 4 which is located on the Hamilton waterfront. It’s a nice place… there is a playground, lots of grass, and some walking trails (there is also the ice cream truck with the creepy music but that’s common for neighbourhoods all over lower Hamilton). The family that we went with had four children. Three girls (grade 6, grade 4 and grade 1), and a boy (I think he was 4 or 5 but not in school yet). The older two girls had enough English that they could carry on very simple conversations. The two smallest children were either too shy or had too little English to even speak to me. It was really neat to walk around with the family and play with the kids. The loved the playground or running around playing soccer. We went on a walk and they were so excited to throw rocks in the water or look at the ducks (or swans as the case may be). They asked me if I went to school, then how old I was (after I told them I was finished school). They told me about what they liked and disliked and they made me go down the enclosed slide (I was afraid of those when I was 10, let alone when I’m 25 and don’t really fit properly inside). At the end of the day the girl in grade four gave me a hug and they all thanked me for playing with them. I tried to thank them too but I don’t think they understood what they had done that I appreciated so much. I’m not even sure if I could describe it. It’s always amazing to me how kids let people in so easily…

Another kid related story… for our children’s story today I talked about how the church is like a body but I didn’t do a super great job of explaining the metaphor (well, technically it’s a simile but that doesn’t sound as cool). At the end of the story I made the mistake of asking the kids if it made sense… to which they replied ‘not really’ in front of the entire congregation… nothing better for your pride than that. Actually, I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, now I’m off to do laundry.

Another Cultural Food Experience

I can’t believe it’s the end of another week. I feel like I got nothing tangible accomplished this week but I was so busy working with people, attending meetings (oh yeah, and I guess I checked out that talent show at the school on Wednesday) and just connecting with kids. I think that means it was a better than usual week but it means that next week might be messy (especially since Monday is a holiday).

Yesterday, our summer ministry team decided we should go out for lunch together. I mentioned that I enjoy having random cultural food experiences but would never go unless someone made me. With this in mind, we decided to try Thai food. We went to Lemon Grass on the mountain. I agonized over the menu for at least 20 minutes before deciding to go with the Pad Thai (which I had technically had before but never in a Thai restaurant and not really ‘authentic). It was really good… and not too spicy. I’m not sure how authentic the food there really is but it was an enjoyable experience overall.

For the rest of the afternoon I ‘kidnapped’ one of the students and made him run all sorts of errands with me. We took a computer to one of the people in our congregation who lives in a men’s residence connected with Mission Services and traded it for two boxes of dress-up clothes and a kid’s bike (I think I got a pretty good deal).

I had never been in a residence like that before (and technically I probably wasn’t allowed to be in it yesterday either but we ignored that fact) and it was somewhat discouraging. It’s like the worst university/college residence you could ever imagine minus about 200 points. Everyone has a VERY small room where they keep all of their worldly possessions. I think most of the people who live there are recovering from addictions but maybe not. It was just not an environment that really spoke of dignity or worth… not that the service is bad (it’s totally necessary) but it spoke to me of the importance of providing opportunities for communal living for people in homes.

Last night I took one of the girls from church to see Shrek 3. We had a good time. She is going to be staying with me for an entire weekend in June so it was a good time to get used to hanging out. She’s really sweet and very talkative so we should have no problems! The movie wasn’t great but she enjoyed it. I am a HUGE Shrek fan so I was pretty disappointed in the film. It doesn’t really seem to have a sustainable plot (which is maybe why it’s only like 90 minutes long). I wouldn’t reccommend it but the kids liked it so maybe it wasn’t all bad.

I don’t really have big weekend plans so I think I’m going to head to the library this afternoon to take out some good mystery novels to read. Oh, and I should probably write a children’s story at some point for tomorrow… does anyone know when Pentecost is? Is it tomorrow?

It’s been awhile

Tonight I realized that it’s probably been closer to a week since my last update… this caused me such immense guilt that I figured I should at least ramble on about the lack of things that have been happening in my life that have caused me not to post. Actually, things haven’t been that bad.

The weekend was fairly quiet but there was nothing to complain about. Friday night I got to eat Pizza Hut with Annie and then get ice cream with her and Dan. I love Pizza Hut… and I love ice cream… and I love Annie so it was a good night! Saturday we turned our backyard into a garden for the Karen refugees that moved to Hamilton in the fall. Sunday was the second week of KidzChurch and it went fairly well.

This week has been pretty busy. The church is currently exploring some possibilities around transformational housing or discipleship houses for people (most likely women in crisis) so we’ve had a couple of meetings this week with a man from Denver who is involved in a similar ministry there. It’s been really interesting but somewhat frustrating for me personally because I can’t figure out where I fit into the vision but I feel like I’m being nudged to pursue it somehow… I’ve kind of been thinking more about the future lately, in general, and it’s fairly frustrating because I feel like there are all these different things I want to do but if I choose one path it means I can’t choose another. I’m praying for vision and guidance but I’m not convinced God will give it to me a whole year and a half before it’s actually going to happen so I’m just trusting in His character and timing.

Today was a half day for the public school kids in our neighbourhood. It was pretty sweet because they had a talent show type thing in the morning so a couple of our team went to check it out. I knew a few of the kids that were competing but everyone ended up winning, which was probably good for our school and the amount of work everyone had put in. In the afternoon a couple of the kids came over to hang out at the church. That was pretty fun actually. We busted out the dress-up clothes and had everyone wearing ridiculous outfits. We even got one of the kids to take a team picture of all of us dressed up. I’m excited to see what it looks like.

Sanda came to GirlZone this afternoon which was great. The female part of our summer team had planned it and it went really well. It also involved dress-up clothes… and Cranium… and cupcakes (how can that not be a good combination?)

In my spare time lately I’ve been re-reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. It’s really an amazing book. This is my third time through it and I’m trying to be more intentional about actually reflecting on it this time. The second time through I was really challenged with the idea of exploring my own actions and how they actually work to oppress people. It’s one thing to talk about oppression, even to get riled up about it, but it’s really hard to actually look at my decisions in that kind of light. Most of the decisions I make (especially the ones around purchasing stuff) have become so automatic that I don’t even think about them but I’m becoming more convinced that God actually cares how I (yes, little old me) oppress people with my choices. It’s not that I think He’s waiting to get me as soon as I make a bad choice but I do agree with the book that when you actually look at the family of God as being all the believers across the world it makes sense to actually care what happens to people in Uganda or Haiti. So I’m definitely being challenged by it but I also gain so much energy from it as well. It’s one of those books that I read and I’m like “Yes! That’s what I want my life to look like. That’s what I want to be about.” Not that I necessarily want everything in the book (or even agree with it). I think I could live quite peacefully without being arrested or sleeping on the street (I just can’t quite get myself to believe that God wants those things for anyone, including me) but he makes some points that you just cannot walk away from.

Actually, I’m compiling a bit of a summer reading list. If anyone knows how to find a copy of This Beautiful Mess by Rick McKinley I’d really like to lay my hands on it. Today one of the BCOQ guys told me about a book called Be With Factor by Bo Boshers. It’s about mentoring kids which is something I am very much excited to do this summer. I also have the books I’ve been trying to read for awhile now and Robin just gave me a new one he wants me to read. I’m not sure that any of you actually care about what I’m reading but there it is… now you can all ask me in September if I actually did it or not.

Friday is the Shrek 3 opening and I am planning to be there. I’m taking one of the little girls from the church to see it. It works great because I get to appear less creepy and her mom gets a little break. It didn’t get great reviews but I’m excited to check it out. I’ll let you all know what I think.

Last, but not least, my reflections on recent reality tv episodes…

Survivor
1. Dreamz is a liar.
2. I Heart Boo!

American Idol
1. People sound a lot better on CD than they do live.
2. Jordin Sparks is going to be the next American Idol… I can’t believe Melinda went before Blake but if Jordin doesn’t win now I will officially be really angry… I guess this has been the season of strangeness though (I mean Sanjaya lasted WAY longer than anyone thought possible so who knows what will happen).

Anyway, all these things merely demonstrate that I have too much free time at night. I should attempt to find a hobby… or maybe just people to hang out with.

Ministry Changes You

So the week is over and I thought I should reflect a little on all that has happened this week. Our team has done some really great things this week… they are gifted individuals (who could all probably do my job better than I could) and have great insight into working with our neighbourhood. They planned some pretty sweet programs yesterday while I was doing the IT thing. Today, we spent our time updating me on everything I missed yesterday. They are quite the industrious bunch!

I must say that I find it much easier to work by myself than in a team. Mind you there are great things about having a team… but it complicates my new ‘ministry attitude’. I have been realizing lately that I spend most of my time functioning oustide of my comfort zone. By nature I crave structure. I like rules and organization. I love schedules and to have things planned months ahead. At work, however, I’ve kind of come to this place where I just let things happen. Part of it is expecting Jesus to show up but most of it is just an exhaustion that will not let you function in any other way. For the most part I find myself being okay with this… but it’s complicated when my attitude starts to affect other people (especially people who crave structure). So then I start to get insecure… I spent time afraid that they will find out that I don’t really know what’s going on and lose all respect for me so I’m tempted to make stuff up in order to sound like I have it all together. I think today we finally came to a place where I gave everyone enough information that they are comfortable but also willing to let things work themselves out. It’s interesting to look back on how I’ve changed since getting involved in ministry. In September I was totally a schedule person – I couldn’t do anything at work until I had a schedule and incredibly clear guidelines… now I am a lot more content to let things go and just see what comes of them.

Pray for our team. They have big plans for the summer. Pray that we could make a real difference within our neighbourhood and our church. Pray that good friendships would form between us and that we would work to resolve conflicts peacefully. I’m exhausted so now I’m going to have a nap.

A New Energy

Today was the first day for our new summer ministry team. Each of our students started today and it was peachy! They are such special people – so diverse and passionate – I’m excited to spend the summer working with them. We did a lot of talking today but we also got to take a church and neighbourhood tour. I think we grounded them fairly well in history of them both – at least better than I was when I started. There is just something about bringing a bunch of passionate people together that gives me this energy and excitement about life. I am honestly so excited right now that I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep (which would be unfortunate because I didn’t really sleep last night either… I know… I’m like a small child).

This afternoon we had a TrueCity Neighbourhood Involvement Focus Team meeting. It was at Wentworth so our entire ministry team crashed the meeting. I’m not sure how valuable they thought it was (they said they enjoyed it and were glad they went) but it really brought up a couple of questions for me. I think the biggest was around the idea of conflict that I’ve been reflecting on lately. So, I’ve been saying that people in our neighbourhood don’t know how to navigate conflict and so we’ve had some pretty nasty situations within our church and one of the other pastors jokingly said that was just like a church board meeting. It got me thinking… how many adults actually engage and navigate conflict in a healthy manner? Perhaps it is not just people in our neighbourhood… perhaps it is just more visible in our neighbourhood (poverty often makes things more visible so that wouldn’t be absurd). If that is the case what does that mean for me trying to teach the kids I work with how to deal with conflict and relationships? What kind of role-models and examples can I find for them? Important things to think through…

I’m also excited because everyone gets back from CityScript today. I already chatted with Christine a little about what she learned and I’m looking forward to hearing from Dan. It’s one of those things that I really wish I could’ve experienced but I will have to settle for living vicariously through others.

Well, off I go to pretend to do something productive. I have not been doing well lately with using my time wisely…

KidzChurch Kick-Off

My, my, my… why does it always surprise me when the Lord gives us what we ask for? First we find out Friday that we are approved for a ridiculous amount of funding for our summer ministry team, then today God delivered exactly the amount of kids for KidzChurch that I’d been praying for (mind you I ended up sending two of them home but clearly God knew that I wasn’t going to be able to handle all of them).

So I had been pretty excited about this morning. I wasn’t as nervous or stressed as I had been when we tried to start a couple of weeks ago. We postponed the kick-off from April 15 to today because I realized there was no way I would be ready… and I felt slightly like I was being eaten alive. Yesterday two of our new summer students went around the neighbourhood inviting kids… in result we had 10 kids show up. Now, I like to say that one of our kids is about 3 of a ‘normal’ child so it was a little like we had a whole classroom full of 4-10 year olds. They are supposed to sit in the service with ‘their adults’ for the first 20 minutes or so and then we all go off to KidzChurch together… great in theory but very difficult in practice… especially since I, or one of the other student-aged people, is forced to become many of their adults. Parents drop off or send their kids, expecting us to return them safely… I am always amazed at this. So I was sitting with two kids near the front of the church who thought it would be fun to climb underneath the pews. At first one of them started and was more just laying under the pew so I was ignoring him but then the other kid started and they began to crawl their way to the back of the sanctuary. Now, while I recognize the hilarity of this entire thing and how much fun they must have been having (although I’d think the floor would be kind of dirty) I figured the other members of the congregation probably didn’t appreciate our new little commandos. I met them at the back of the church and told them they could come back when they learned to follow directions.

After that the morning was actually quite nice. The kids listened well for most of the stories we told and participated in the games with great energy. I gave them a take-home point so hopefully they will actually remember what we taught them… really, it’s all about giving them a place to hear about the God who already loves them and is already at work in them… I really believe that we’re not introducing our kids to Jesus. We may, however, be introducing Jesus to our kids (there’s a difference).

So, I am thankful for the strength, patience, love and grace that God gave me this morning. I am very thankful for the help He provided through others and I am excited about tomorrow because our students are starting!